A Scene
So I’m taking playwrighting this college term, and I do not write short plays/scenes. However, that’s exactly what we are doing, so I thought I’d share. The culprits… uh, characters are below. Enjoy
Cast of Characters
Piper Paws: A 20-pound black-and-white tuxedo cat. Very high-strung and high maintenance. Dramatic, doesn’t play well with others.
Gandalf: A 15-pound gray cat. Nosy, yet skittish. A bit temperamental.
Phin: A 7-pound, young black cat who is blind. Pupils always dilated. Can smell and hear exceptionally well. Recently demoted from being the baby in the family.
Theo: An 8-week-old cream/orange kitten. New to the household. Curious, playful, full of energy.
Amanda: Mother to Piper, Gandalf, Phin, and Theo. Laid back, used to shenanigans.
Scene
A large living room with a large, fully decorated Christmas tree in front of the back window.
Time
Late December, wintertime.
Stage Directions
(It’s nighttime. The living room is dark except for the lighted Christmas tree. Near the tree sits a large curio cabinet with two doors and two drawers. Behind the glass doors are glass and ceramic bells. The drawer on the left is partially open; the right drawer is closed. PIPER, GANDALF, and PHINEAS emerge stage left into the living room. None have been in the living room since the tree arrived.)
THEO
(Darts out of the master bedroom ahead of PIPER, GANDALF, and PHIN and into the living room. Stops short of the Christmas tree, turns around and wobbles back to PIPER, GANDALF, and PHIN.)
Guys, guys! There’s a log in the living room with green stuff all over it! Come look! Come on!
GANDALF
(Lying on his side on the floor licking his paws)
Yeah, squirt. It’s called a Christmas tree. The humans drag it in here every year. I guess it gets too cold for it to be outside.
PHIN
(Sniffing the air around the tree)
What’s it look like? It smells like the kitchen floor.
PIPER
(Walking around the tree)
Gawd, Phin. You ask that every year. It’s big and brown with green stuff sticking out of it. It’s full of laser lights and jingle balls and shiny string. It’s a treasure trove of toys.
THEO
Imma check it out! It’s yuuuge!
(Runs under the tree and promptly falls in the tree stand full of water)
Ugh! I fell in its water bowl!
(Climbs out of the tree stand, shakes himself off, and begins cleaning himself)
GANDALF
I did that once. You have to watch your step, squirt.
THEO
I was! It came outta nowhere!
PIPER
(Shakes her head. Still circling the tree)
So, are you guys ready, or are we just gonna play all night? We need to do this before Mom and Dad get up.
GANDALF
(Stands and saunters over to the tree)
Ready, Pip. Keep your tux on.
PHIN
(Follows GANDALF to the tree and sniffs GANDALF’s butt)
Ready! Gandi, is that you by me?
GANDALF
(Sighs)
Yes, Phin. You sniffed my butt twice already.
PHIN
Just making sure, bro. You eat too much cheese, dude.
THEO
(Sitting by the tree stand licking his paws)
I’m ready! I’m ready! What’re we doing?
PIPER
Don’t worry about it, Theo. You just stand back and watch.
THEO
Okay!
(Runs over to the loveseat and watches PIPER, GANDALF, and PHIN sit in front of the tree)
PIPER
Assume position!
(PIPER, GANDALF, and PHIN close their mouths around sections of tinsel about a foot apart from each other)
GANDALF
(Speaking around the tinsel in his mouth)
Position assumed!
PHIN
(Speaking around the tinsel in his mouth)
Position assumed!
PIPER
(Speaking around the tinsel in her mouth)
On three! One…Two…Three!!
THEO
Four! Five! Six!
GANDALF
(Annoyed)
Who taught him to count?
PIPER
(Angrily)
Stop, stop, stop! Theo! Shh!!
Again! One…Two…Three!!
(All three cats start walking back with the tinsel in their mouths. Tugging, tugging like a dog playing tug o’ war.)
PIPER
Scatter! Scatter! Scatter!
(All three take off in different directions in the living room. The tree topples over and crashes quite softly to the floor. Ornaments and bulbs fall off the tree and roll onto the floor.)
GANDALF
(Picks up a Christmas bulb by the hook and carries it over to the loveseat and drops it in front of THEO)
And this is what humans call “Christmas,” squirt. Next year, you get to help.
THEO
(Chases the Christmas bulb around on the floor, falls over onto his side, grasps the bulb between his paws and starts rabbit-kicking it.)
Cwistmas, Cwistmas, I love Cwistmas!
(All four cats play with the fallen tree, ornaments, bulbs, and some stray tinsel. There’s a small puddle of water from the tree stand slowing soaking the tree skirt.)
GANDALF
(Walks over to a broken vase lying on the floor near the tree.)
Uh, Pip, you need to see this. You broke Mom’s favorite flower holder.
PIPER
(Gets up from playing with tinsel and joins GANDALF)
Me? We did this together! We’re all gonna be in big trouble!
THEO
(Still playing with a Christmas bulb.)
Not me! I just watched.
PIPER
(Sighs)
It doesn’t matter. We were all in here, we’ll all get in trouble. Gandi, go find that sticky stuff in that big cabinet. I’ll gather the pieces.
(GANDALF walks to the curio cabinet and rummages through the open drawer. He finds the tube of glue and paws it out of the drawer and onto the floor. GANDALF picks the tube up with his mouth and carries it over to PIPER, who is gathering up pieces of the vase into a small pile.)
PIPER
Thanks, Gandi. Now, you and Phin guard the bedroom door. I’ll see what I can do with this holder. Yell if you hear Mom and Dad.
(PIPER opens the glue and begins fitting the broken vase together and gluing pieces. Mysteriously, the theme from Mission: Impossible starts playing while PIPER frantically works on the vase.)
PIPER
(Looking up from her work.)
Theo! Turn the TV off! You’re gonna wake the humans!
THEO
I don’t know how! I stepped on the clicker thing!
GANDALF
(Walks over to the loveseat and steps on the power button of the remote, which is lying on the floor in front of the loveseat. The TV goes off and the music stops.)
Hurry up, Pip! I heard something! I think someone’s getting up!
PIPER
(Sorts frantically through the broken pieces, fitting them together. She pants and breathes hard while she works.)
Almost finished. I’m missing a piece!
GANDALF
Come on, Pip!
(Looks around the room for the broken piece.)
I see it! It’s over there behind you!
(Points behind PIPER to a small piece of vase lying on the carpet.)
THEO
(Runs behind PIPER and bats the vase piece over to her.)
PIPER
(Turns and grabs the piece of vase. Turns back around and puts glue on the vase piece and begins fitting the final piece to the vase.)
Got it!
(Places the vase on the stand near the tree.)
Everyone, assume napping position!
(The master bedroom door opens and AMANDA emerges stage left. She glances around the living room and sees PIPER, GANDALF, PHIN, and THEO all sleeping on the floor, away from the tree.)
AMANDA
(Yawning)
I see you guys got your Christmas present. This might be a new record! Oh, I’ll clean it up in the morning.
(Returns to the bedroom and shuts the door.)
PIPER
(Opens her eyes and looks at the others.)
You hear that, guys? A new record! Merry Christmas, everyone.
(BLACKOUT)
(END OF PLAY)
